I was half asleep, and in the dream I was at a bar. And he was hitting on me, using all these terrible lines. And I told him I hadn’t had sex in awhile. And he went “Dry spell, huh? That’s okay. I’m pretty sure the forecast called for rain tonight.” And I looked him in the eye and went “Oh yeah? How many inches should I be expecting?” And the part of me that was awake laughed so hard, it woke me up.
Even in my subconscious, I’m a smooth motherfucker.
|—||Douglas Coupland (via cybergirlfriend)|
judging by fan fictions, the only jobs in the world are being a teacher, lawyer, waiter, or working at a coffee shop
and man do the people with those jobs have a lot of sex
Why do we call it truth or dare when we all know it’s really “who do you like” or “awkward sexual task”
reblog and make a wish!
this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, IT’S BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didn’t expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever it’s just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASN’T SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDN’T THINK I’D GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND I’M HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHIT
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
is this what sexting is like?
true pain is watching someone you love laugh hysterically at The Big Bang theory
cause of death: celebs wearing flower crowns that we didn’t photoshop onto them
I FUCKING FOUND IT!!!!!!!
OH GOD YESSSSSSSS
is that Ryan Gosling in the bottom corner just completely in sync with n’sync….
HAHA RYAN GOSLING IN THE BOTTOM
OH MY GOD I DIDN’T NOTICE HIM UNTIL I SAW THE CAPTION HE’S SO INTO IT HE IS IN THE FUCKIN ZONE
Reblogging for Ryan!
HOW COULD I NOT REBLOG WHEN ‘N SYNC AND RYAN GOSLING OMG